My husband is always honest, he never sugar coats the truth. I knew I could rely on him for that. When I asked if these jeans made my bum look fat, he would jokingly reply – it’s not the jeans it’s the chocolates that make your bum look fat. You may now think that is cruel and why would someone say that to someone they love, even as a joke, but let me put it to you this way – would you rather have someone you thought was honest, tell you lies you know aren’t true. This way I know I can rely on him for the truth, always, no matter what the subject of discussion. But why did I not believe him when he told me I was beautiful, or when he said I was a desirable woman. Maybe because he was the only one ever who had said those words to me. Besides he was married to me, he was stuck in a monogamous relationship and it was his duty to say and think I was a desirable woman – so not true but this is what I told myself and forced myself to believe it.
Let’s start at the beginning, not all the way back just a few years. Looking back, I now see how naive I was growing up, taught that sexuality and showing your sexual side was not what a ‘good’ woman should do, even in my 20’s I hid it as deep as possible, I worried more about what people thought of me if I showed it, then allowing a natural emotion to surface. Maybe this is why no-one ever told me I was beautiful, why no-one ever seemed to desire me – maybe they did? It’s not that no-one ever thought it or wanted to desire me (everyone has another match out there) its more that I put up a wall so high I could not recognize this desire men had for me, and heaven forbid if did see it or act on it, oh my gosh what would people think of me, would it make me a bad mother?
How times have changed. And only recently I have come to recognize this and believe that maybe, just maybe there is a woman in here that men want and lust after – and so what if they did? Wasn’t it natural for men to desire women and for women to desire them right back? Why do we go against this and teach our children that is wrong? Why do we believe that only one person ever can turn us on and visa versa? It’s not natural, so what are we trying to achieve by doing this? I can now admit that I loved it when a man wanted me, it turned me on, and is, in fact, becoming one of my biggest ‘turn-on’ triggers. Why on earth did I believe it was an insult if a man got hard for me – what was I thinking? It’s so empowering to now be able to see and admit that a hard cock in front of me, pulsing full of desire for me, for who I am and for what I look like, is so hot and makes me weak in all parts of my sexuality.
Now, let’s make it clear, I am no Kim Kardashian, preened and polished to Hollywood perfection. I have cellulite, I have a little tummy roll, as I age, I see wrinkles popping up everywhere. But what I have learnt, is that confidence and acceptance in who and what I am is far sexier than the colour of my hair or the measurement of my thigh. Yes, for sure I am working a little harder at slimming down, I had silicone implants which do wonders for my confidence naked, and a little Botox here and there makes me feel younger, but at the end of the day, maybe it’s not these things that have made me desirable – it’s me that has broken down my sexual walls to see and accept who I am and what I am. Confidence, not arrogance – there is a difference.
This new found sexual liberation has been made easier by mine and hubbies journey into the MFM lifestyle. His confidence in us has allowed me to discover and share my inner most sexuality. Like a switch it has been flicked on. I am able to use my inner desire to turn men on, and by doing this, the hottest of all, is that hubby is more turned on by my sexy antics than ever – it’s a vicious circle. He is now so turned on, hard cock in hand – I drop all my defences, I cannot resist. Sex is now no more about pleasing my man, sex is about me being so turned on by him that I want and need to feel him inside me. Sex is not a duty as so many women are lead to believe, build your walls and do as a good girl should. I beg to differ – good girls know what they want, good girls don’t have sex to please their partners, they have sex because their partners are pleasing them, they become good at being an empowered woman. A man does not want a woman to have sex in a certain way because she knows he loves it that way, a man wants to feel that a woman is so turned on they can’t hold back. And for me to feel this I need to believe I am desired that I am sexy enough, which grows inside me when I can see how my powers of confidence turns men on around me. They let go and desire flows out – making the sexual experience so much more orgasmic. The afterglow of this desire spills over as confidence in everyday life – no matter what I think I look like, I know my man (and other men, even though most women won’t admit it) desire me for it. He wants to feel what is like for a woman to loose complete ‘lust control’ and literally drip wet with desire for him and his hard cock.
Maybe not every man wants me but those that do have proven that hubby was right from day one, my only regret is that I should have allowed my natural inner women to trust that’s its ok to let my sexuality show once I have this confidence to allow her out – she is a beautiful woman in her own right.