Just be cool… How NOT to get laid. Advice for the single guy

Hi, C here. This is part story and part advice for single guys so it’s a bit long, grab your brand of poison and settle in.

Generally, we have had very good meetings so far. We have had 17 meetings, two of which didn’t go well (Shrek and Mr. P-body below). Of those 15 that did, Lizzy has had sex with 8 different guys, some on more than one occasion, since we’ve started playing. We’re not trying to set world records but have been fairly active. In this time, we have mostly hooked up with nice guys but when it’s bad it’s typically a disaster, albeit a funny one we still laugh about, which is what happened to us a few weeks ago. Maybe I can offer some advice in this story to single guys which should help them get lucky.

One of our fantasies is that I arrange a private massage for Lizzy, with a wifi camera in the room, while I watch from the hotel bar. The idea is that she gets so turned on, she cannot help herself and ends up having sex with her masseuse, while I watch remotely and then join at some point. Lizzy decided it would be preferable not to chat or meet the guy prior to the date, which we subsequently realise is a mistake. The idea of her having sex alone while I watch, unfailingly turns me on. Everything duly arranged, we arrive in the big city after a three-hour drive, suitably nervous, horny and excited. As we pull into the hotel parking lot the guy we arranged messages to say he cannot make it, which is very frustrating. Anyway, now it is a scramble to arrange a new meeting and, in a stoke of presumed serendipity, one of the guys I had previously spoken to on Swinging Heaven sends me a message to say he is available tonight, I tell him sure, we’re in town. After nervously setting up the camera and having a drink, Lizzy goes to the room while I meet the guy “Mr. P-body” downstairs. As I introduced myself I thought oooh boy, I’m not sure this is going to work, but, hoping against hope, I explain again what we want and our rules. He seems distracted which I put down to nerves, however all he talks about is his “high power” job as a security fence installer and the business connections he can make for me. I’m already sceptical but again, thinking maybe he’ll sort himself out, I eventually interrupt his chatter and send him upstairs.

Lizzy opens the door and he introduces himself then goes to the bathroom. Lizzy settles herself on the bed, naked with a towel over her hips. I watch and wait in anticipation. And wait, and wait, and wait. After not less than 10 minutes he arrives in the room, undresses and starts to massage Lizzys’ back. He’s talking away, which I think is just nerves and to put Lizzy at ease. I’m sitting there, hard as a rock, waiting for the action to start. And he talks, and talks and talks and then talks some more, about work, his connections, his chain around his neck, his mom’s cooking, everything except my naked wife under his hands. Eventually he asks her to turn over, which she does removing the towel. By now I have the distinct impression that Mr. P-body has no idea how to get things going and that Lizzy is about to take one for the team.

So, picture this, you have a naked woman lying under you while you are massaging her in your briefs, massaging her breasts and nipples, shoulders down her sides up over her hips. He looks her in the eyes kneeling between her legs and says “You know I can push 200 hey” stunned silence…….wow. Just wow.

Lizzy, understandably taken aback by this says, “what in the gym? Nodding sagely he again asserts “200”. What a knob. Lizzy is a little uncertain now and more than a little turned off, so she asks him “what do you do”, obviously drawn into the bizarreness of the conversation. He proceeds to enter a parallel universe and drones on for AGES about his job as an International Sub Saharan African Commodities Trader, which is strange as he told me downstairs about his successful security fence business, multi-talented chap obviously.

Lizzy is by now furiously beckoning at the camera for me to get in there and get her out of this decidedly un-sticky situation. I walk into the room but still think I can save the situation, not having heard most of the ridiculous comments he made. Lizzy smiles weakly but gratefully at me and turns over, Mr. P-body removes his briefs and it’s really a struggle for us not to laugh. Not because of his funstick which is the smallest either of us has ever seen, we’re not that heartless, but because of a thick studded leather strap he has clipped above and around his balls. It just looked ridiculous. If he was hung like Seabiscuit, I could possibly buy it but the proportions were just too wrong. His balls were purple and swollen hard as marbles with this leather strap tightly bound above, swelling his sack well past his singularly unspectacular cock. It was just weird, and Lizzy wanted nothing to do with this, not going anywhere near them even though he continuously hinted that he wanted her to touch them. Saving you the trauma of his other comments, we finished up, thanked him and bustled him out of the room, then collapsed in laughter, followed by a scathing tongue lashing by Lizzy of why I hadn’t been in the room when she first called me (I didn’t notice that) and my apology for not shutting down the meet in the beginning, then more laughing.

Now I am by no means the coolest, funniest, handsomest, best built or best hung guy around. Actually, I consider myself pretty average, besides a spectacular streak of sarcastic humour which has earned me more wrath than most. Having said that, I somehow managed to hook a very sexy little Lizzy, so I must be doing something right. Putting our experiences together and knowing what works and doesn’t work for her so far, I have put a few thoughts down to help single guys get laid, because that should be the point, not so?

Firstly, I don’t doubt that there are a lot of rude, psycho, smelly, unsexy, weird couples out there who don’t get laid a lot. I don’t have much experience in that, suffice to say if you get treated badly, run a mile. Single guys tend to get treated badly and that’s also not cool. However, there are also a lot of single guys out there who are fairly normal, but who would get laid a LOT more if they brushed up their technique a bit. So, take it from the male half of a swinging hotwife couple.

Assuming you are connecting on a website like SH, but I guess even in a swingers club or, lucky you, a hotwife decides to pick you up in a bar (please Lord can Lizzy get this right one day), the advice is all fairly applicable. And I shouldn’t have to mention the obvious. Clean, neat, trimmed or shaven, prepared to wear a condom, and keep it on, as well as not smelly are all good.

In the initial message to the couple, don’t type a single sentence like How are you? It’s not a chat site, send a message, say what you liked about the profile, compliment her and end with a question that they can answer like “would you like to see some of my pics”. “How are you” get’s “Fine thanks, you?” in response. What’s the point, try to engage them in meaningful conversation.

Cock pics….generally the hubby is handling the initial message. I appreciate you telling me how you want to suck my nipples, slap my bum and so on, but it’s weird. Also, I’ve seen more cock by now than the average 32 year old bored housewife. Yes, she definitely does want to see your cock. However not as the first pic. It’s off putting. Remember to be cool. A sexy teasing pic, yes certainly. Your throbbing, purple headed schlong spraying cum, as the first intro pic, not so much.

Ask questions and be prepared to share pics. Would you want to have sex with someone you’ve never seen? Even if you do, she probably doesn’t. On the subject of pics, our first meet was with a guy whose pics were at least 10 years old. I’m going to take a wild stab here, but if the pics are of you at 25, abs and biceps bulging and you pitch up with only your beer belly bulging, it’s probably not going to end well. Outdated pics aren’t exactly an investment in future sexcapades. Be prepared to move to whatsapp or something similar quite soon. It’s important to chat and establish a mutual physical attraction and an emotional connection. First one is through pics, second is through chatting, flirting and being engaging.

In a face to face situation it’s simple, don’t be a wanker, just be cool. Offer them/her a drink, ask her questions about herself, laugh a little, don’t speak about yourself much, unless asked or relevant. Whatever you do, don’t mention how much money you make, what car you drive, how big your house or your cock is, how your ex-girlfriend is stalking you, how you miss your ex-girlfriend or how much you can push in the gym, just don’t. Show interest in her, if you are interested obviously. Be attentive, flirt a little, be suggestive but not weird (We met a guy once who stood next to Lizzy and just stared at her tits. Now I understand that reaction, they are very nice to look at, but staring at them without saying a word is unsettling. It reminds women that there are seriously strange individuals out there that they would never have sex with). Touch her arm, compliment her, don’t ignore the husband but don’t focus hugely on him either. Generally, humour and interest will get you laid. If you can make her laugh and show that you find her attractive or sexy, you’re 75% of the way there.

Don’t assume that the husband is gay or bi, if he is, he will let you know. No need to desperately highlight your inherent manliness, which is kinda unmanly. Unless specifically stated otherwise, an MFM threesome is about focussing on the woman with no sexual interaction between the guys, besides the odd slip or awkward cumshot over some ones hand, which is very funny if you are the shooter. If you are bi, it’s better to state this clearly in the beginning, not by grabbing his cock halfway through the experience, that tends to get awkward.

Ask the husband what his rules are, he’ll appreciate this, then ask her, she will too. Listen to the rules and follow them. Ask about their fantasies, this will reveal a lot about them and give you some pointers. Even if you are face to face or chatting online. You have to close the deal. ASK. Ask if they would like to meet, ask if you can call, they are chatting to you for a reason. They want to meet and fuck, just like you! Ask them to meet. Endless chatting is soul destroying, seen as though you are going to have the privilege of sleeping with a married woman, with her husbands’ permission, take the first step and ask.

Now to the hot and wet part of it, assuming you got this far. It’s always a little awkward getting started once you hit the hotel room. In my experience women prefer a man to take charge – Lizzy certainly does. You wouldn’t be here if they didn’t want to do anything. While the husband pours drinks or sits down, move to her, kiss, touch, and follow her lead from there within their and your rules. Don’t worry too much about hubby, he’ll put himself where he enjoys it most. You’ve now had sexual fun, pour a drink, relax, chat, see if they’re keen for another round. Once all done, say thanks, and leave, don’t rush but don’t overstay your welcome, typically couples now want some time to themselves.

Send a message afterwards thanking them and saying “if they’re keen, you’d like to stay in touch”, assuming you want to obviously. Let them initiate any further contact, but a message testing the waters in a week or two won’t be misplaced.

Remember, they have a relationship. She’s probably not looking for another one and hopefully neither are you. Don’t get sucked into thinking there’s anything more than sex here. Keep it for what it is, consenting adults enjoying fun sexy times with others. Keep playing it right and you’ll have as much no-strings-attached sex as you could want.

On a serious note, you are being given access into a couples deepest personal, physical and intimate space, this is a privilege, treat is as such. Show respect for them as people and for their relationship, always expect them to show you the same. As an aside, if they don’t, then what the hell are you still doing there anyway?

Hopefully one or more of these pointers will help in your quest to have the ultimate hotwife experience. Good luck, and here’s to many successful hook-ups.

Cheers, for now.

C

4 thoughts on “Just be cool… How NOT to get laid. Advice for the single guy

Add yours

  1. Thanks C! I’m a stag in a stag/vixen Hotwife relationship myself and these are great comments which I echo 100%. My wife and I have been married 23 years and enjoy our fairly new entrance into the Hotwife lifestyle. It’s bordering more on a monagamish marriage definition but we are enjoying the learning and experiences.

    Question for you. I actually find it more difficult being a Stag in a relationship meaning I am free to be the Stag in another couole’s Hotwife relationship. My wife would rather have separate experiences than have full couple swap experiences. We have had some of those but the difficulty in getting the chemistry right with 4 people is more complicated than the 3 as you discuss in your blog post.

    Anyway, my question is do you guys ever play with the male part of a married couple if he is in an open Stag/Vixen relationship or does that male need to play the part of being a single male. I’ve just never wanted to be anyone other than myself and I love my wife dearly and she enjoys me having fun experiences so any advice you may have as this relates to your and Lizzy’s experience would be helpful!

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    1. Hi Prof. First off apologies for the delay in reply I completely missed your notification. It’s Lizzy here. You are 100% right we have also found that the chemistry with 4 in the room is quite difficult and most times someone has to settle for less than perfect to accommodate the others. We have however got this right once or twice but rather in an orgy situation and not full swop one on one situation. That’s why we prefer MFM. In answer to your question.. no the single guy doesn’t necessarily have to be single. We just prefer the term as it sits well with the MFM dynamic but it’s just that.. a reference to a guy playing on his own. We have had contact with a few married men but not those playing with the permission of their wives. While it’s not my place to judge I sometimes prefer not going down this road as I don’t want to be the reason for any conflict in another’s union. Playing with your wife’s consent is awesome though. And hats off to you and your wife for getting this right. With this kind of understanding from the get go you can only but grow in your relationship. Thanks for the message and hope to chat again some time soon. Ps I have two blogs I will add quite soon both are “hall pass” stories

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  2. I would add: bring a pill along. We have had 4 dates in a row when guy (singles and from another couple), could not get hard. Nerves i hope. A viagra would defo help them. And would save the playdate.

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    1. Absolutely agree. When there is the slightest hint of a problem on the horizon it not only becomes a problem for the couple but once it’s in the single guys head that this might be an issue the focus tends to make it worse and becomes somewhat of a difficult subject for everyone to “bring up”😉

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